Summary Makemebad35 - How To Kiss (Youtube) www.youtube.com
810 words - YouTube video - View YouTube video
Speaker 0 Hi. You might remember me from How to Get Laid. For some of you, that stuff was way too forward. Some of you never even Kiss. So I'm taking a step back and showing you how to make out with a stranger random girl in the parking lot.
Speaker 0 What do you do?
Speaker 1 Get in here fucking that guy with me. Help. Please, help. Help. Creepy.
Speaker 0 Okay. Getting inside her car and yelling at her, that wasn't the best thing to do. You can be confident, but don't be too forward. Instead, make up a story where you have to do an emergency call. Excuse me, miss.
Speaker 0 There's an old man that
Speaker 1 just got hit by a bus.
Speaker 0 We need to call 911.
Speaker 1 Oh, my god. What? My phone. It's upstairs. It was a hit and run.
Speaker 1 We need to make that call. Okay. Hurry. Follow me to my room. That's right, you stupid bitch.
Speaker 1 Hell, yeah. That was epic.
Speaker 0 We all know you didn't see an old man get hit, but you got invited to the girl's house, and that's what matters. You're inside her apartment now. The next thing she's gonna do is hand you her phone, and you gotta think fast.
Speaker 1 I seriously hope everything's okay.
Speaker 0 Look, there was an old make. Okay? I just wanna make out
Speaker 1 with you. I don't even
Speaker 0 know your make, but quite frankly, I don't give a fuck.
Speaker 1 You sick pervert. What the fuck? Sneaky bitch, shows karate.
Speaker 0 I told you not to be too forward. Now it appears that you're lying about an old man dying as a way to seduce her. That's disgusting. Okay. You're gonna have to go forward with the call, and just go behind doors because that's more dramatic.
Speaker 1 Here. Hurry.
Speaker 0 Please excuse me. This is very important.
Speaker 1 I don't know. Hi. There there was an old man who brutally got hit by a bus. It's a mess. Harvey, there's blood.
Speaker 1 There's blood everywhere. Oh my god. He might have just saved that old man's life. Holy duck fuck. This asshole has balls.
Speaker 0 Now you appear as a superhero. She sees you as a good person. Now it's time for your next step. Now that you have done business, the girl's ready to leave. However, you can't let this happen.
Speaker 0 You're gonna have to do something to stop this.
Speaker 1 Well, I guess we can go.
Speaker 0 Look, don't question yourself. My pants are off, My penis is dry. What are you gonna do,
Speaker 1 guy? What? Murdered by a girl. You are a pussy.
Speaker 0 You are a Kiss there. Let's try this again. Remember, you want to kiss Kiss, be dominant, but don't be perverted.
Speaker 1 So I guess we can
Speaker 0 Okay. Look, there's a kitchen behind you. How about you make me a fucking sandwich, and I'll be in your room make a nap?
Speaker 1 Well, I guess I have some time. It's a date. Stereotyping women. Get you a sandwich.
Speaker 0 See? You were demanding, and now she wants to spend time with you. Women love to make food for guys, because it's the only thing they're good at. You're now in bed pretending to take a nap. This makes you look very precious.
Speaker 0 She's walking in with a sandwich. Now what?
Speaker 1 Oh, are you already asleep?
Speaker 0 Almost. Hey. Can you come in bed real quick? I have something to tell you.
Speaker 1 Oh, okay. What is it?
Speaker 0 I am going to tongue
Speaker 1 your tongue. Come here. Smothered by a motherfucking pillow. That is
Speaker 0 not the way to do things. You have now died and gone to hell at the hand of a pillow. Instead, try pretending you had a nightmare. She will then comfort you.
Speaker 1 Hey, are you okay?
Speaker 0 Not really. I just had a nightmare where I was being eaten to death by bunny rabbits.
Speaker 1 They ate out my eyeballs. Oh, no. I can't believe you fell asleep so fast. I'm sorry you had a bad dream.
Speaker 0 That's it. Now move in for the kill. You are so beautiful.
Speaker 1 Victorious! You outsmart women!
Speaker 0 You've done it. You approached a complete stranger, and she invited you up to her room without her knowing your future plans of kissing her. Then you got her close to you without forcing anything. Congratulations.
Speaker 1 Hang on. I'm going to have to call off work. Wait a sec. My phone has no history of you calling 911. You're fucked.